


And I Had Let Him Go

by Masterless



Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-04
Updated: 2014-11-04
Packaged: 2018-02-24 03:13:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2566229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Masterless/pseuds/Masterless
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SPOILER ALERT FOR THE EPILOG OF CITY OF LOST SOULS! Don;t read if you haven't read the book/epilog. It's how I think Magnus felt that night after he found Alec down in the train station.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And I Had Let Him Go

*PoV Magnus*

When I got home that night, I felt emptiness in the house. Everything seemed to be damp, everything seemed to be sad. The walls and the ceiling, everything, was gray, everything was sagging, as if under an immense weight. Everything looked as if it were melting, as if it was made of wax, and it was dripping down the sides of an apartment shaped candle. I was upset, angry, furious, even, and the house was reflecting that.

Even Chairman Meow was acting like I had stepped on his tail.

There was a set of keys in the glass bowl on the kitchen counter.

There was a missing photo from the fridge.

There was on empty place at the table.

There was a hole in my heart.

I walked numbly into the bed room, and flicked on the light. My side of the bed was a mess, but his side was made up neatly. Just like every morning. Just like every day.

I opened the drawer and found it empty. He had left. He had taken his things. His tooth brush was gone. He wasn't here.

I curled up under the blanket and hugged a pillow close to my chest. It smelt like him, sandal wood and sweat and shadow hunter. I sobbed into the pillow, wanting it to be him, not wanting it to be him. I threw it across the room and screamed. Why would he do that to me? Why would he not even talk to me about it? Why would he betray me so much? Why did it hurt…?

He was just another shadow hunter, just another boy. But he wasn't. He was something more, the only one who could pull on my heart strings and have them move, not just snap. He moved me, made me feel something.

I started throwing things, Random things, boots, shirts, belts, my phone, picture frames. I looked down at the picture. It was me and him, wrapped into each other, smiling at the camera near Stonehenge. I cried harder and threw it with all my strength. It shattered at it hit the wall.

I walked towards it and fell. I picked up the broken frame and hugged it tight, my body raking with heart pounding sobs. I crawled over to my bed and curled up under it, still holding the picture. It was all I had of him. All that was left.

I felt in the right place here.

Under the bed, where monsters are supposed to be.

Because that's what I was, a monster.

I looked down at the picture.

He was grinning, his cheeks flushed.

He was so beautiful.

And I had let him go.

Tear after tear.

After tear.

After tear.

I sobbed.

I lost myself.

He was so beautiful.

And I had let him go.

Alec.

My Alec…


End file.
